Glitter in the air

Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands? Close your eyes and trust it, just trust it. Have you ever thrown a fist full of glitter in the air? Have you ever looked fear in the face and said I just don't care?

It's only half past the point of no return. The tip of the ice berg, the sun before the burn, the thunder before lightning, the breathe before the phrase, have you ever felt this way?

Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone? Your whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone. Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry? Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?

It's only half past the point of oblivion. The hourglass on the table, the walk before the run, the breathe before the kiss and the fear before the flames. Have you ever felt this way?

There you are, sitting in the garden clutching my coffee, calling me sugar. You called me sugar.

Have you ever wished for an endless night? Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight. Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself, will it ever get better than tonight?

Kings of Convenience LIVE in KL!

The first time I heard was 2 years ago from a good friend of mind gave me a CD as a farewell gift. I instantly fell in love with the music. It's so serene and calm, melancholic and soothing. I love it when driving in the car listening to all the songs. They are not so well-known here in Malaysia but they have their own fans and I can't believe they are coming over here to perform this 21st of March 2010. The music fills my soul. They are cute too!

Let's hear it for New York!

Grew up in a town, that is famous as a place of movie scenes. Noise is always loud, there are sirens all around and the streets are mean. If I could make it here, I could make it anywhere. That’s what they say. Seeing my face in lights or my name in marquees found down Broadway.

On the avenue, there ain’t never a curfew. Ladies work so hard. Such a melting pot on the corner selling rock, preachers pray to God. Hail a gypsy cab takes me down from Harlem to the Brooklyn Bridge. Someone sleeps tonight with a hunger for more than from an empty fridge.

Even if it ain’t all it seems. I’m going to make it by any means. I got a pocketful of dreams.

One hand in the air for the big city,street lights, big dreams, all looking pretty.No place in the world that can compare.Put your lighters in the air,everybody say yeah!

I’m from New York, concrete jungle where dreams are made of. There’s nothing you can’t do. Now you’re in New York, these streets will make you feel brand new, big lights will inspire you. Let's hear it for New York!

I remember when life was good and still is

I was reading through the pages from the very beginning of RefieRedz.com. I never thought I have been this far and managed to survive all this mess. I feel like it was yesterday and I still have a long way to go. Knowing me, I am too passionate about life and I do take things seriously sometimes. I have a friend who used to say, keep writing as when you grew older, you read back what you wrote you're going to realize that you did it. It will remind you of how you get started.

Indeed. I agree with her. Sitting down in my room now thinking nothing but what I have wished for all my life have actually came true. I have heard that be careful of what you wished for. You might just get it all. I realized when it does come true, it doesn't seem like how you expected it to be. It doesn't make things any better just to get what you want. I somehow understand that what I have asked myself a lot before, the answers are just answering me by itself.

I am seeing things more clearly but this is just the beginning. There are more to come and I will keep having all the questions in my mind and doubts about a lot of things as we never stop learning. I wonder a lot about my future. I even asked myself again if this is what I want in life? Is this what I want when I know this is the feeling that I will get? Sometimes, things appear to be difficult but when your mind keep telling you it is, it will drive you crazy. But when it doesn't, it's not the end of the world.

For all I know, life is still good despite of remembering when life was good. No matter how much I missed my past, the future is still something I am looking forward for. I not sure I can handle it but I will face it. I am just as hopeful. My mom always telling me that life is about choices. You yourself who make your own choices. There's always consequences of what you have chosen. That's the risk I am willing to take.

As I go along, I am becoming more matured and wiser. I noticed that myself. Responsibilities are getting bigger and bigger, I am an adult now. I wonder how life would be for me? Am I going to be like this forever? Are there any interesting things will happen? I am dying for an adventure that will take me places.

I do understand somehow you'll get something at the right time and at the right place. To be able to wait and be patience is not an easy task. It's too subtle it feels so dull. I need some excitement in my life especially at this point where I am still young. I never regretted in what I have done and what I have chosen in my life. I felt so great that I am now hungry for more!

I wanna make sure that I am able to keep this good life until it ends. I somehow feel so thankful despite the ungrateful feelings I have. We only have once life to live. This is it.

Sex and the City 2!

London and New York

In the past few months, I have been through so many things. The ups and downs, the happiness and sadness, the sunshine and the rain. I couldn't describe more. A lot of things have changed and I did not believe myself I survived the whole year in 2009 and the year before and the year before and the year before. God knows why I am still here after all the roller-coaster rides I had.

This is 2010. I believe the Tiger is with us. The year I was born. I am hoping for nothing but a more prosperous year. I resigned and re-hired. So, whatever doubts I had in the previous pretty much cleared. Now, heading for a more challenging ride.

As I said on Facebook, "All my girlfriends are either in a relationship or engaged or married. I wonder how long will I ever have to be Samantha?" That means, I am still single and having a fabulous time. For how long more? I don't have the answer myself. I will keep looking and I am not going to give up on love. I need to begin again.

I have also attended so many invitations on private event. For some of you who are on my Facebook will have the photos uploaded. I will post it here as soon as I have the time but seriously, I don't even have the time to sleep. I'm too hooked up with work and all I wanna do is to rest.

After my New York Fashion Week trip last September, I haven't been to anywhere else. I just worked, and worked, and worked. I played hard too afterward. I have also met interesting new people and not to mention to those I haven't met for such a long time. How long? 15 years, 7 years and I could still remember how they looked like before. I'm so glad we meet again and catch up.

I had a fabulous New Year's party with my family and Aunt Suraya's family. Christmas dinner not forgotten, with Aunt Suraya. My birthday party for 4 days in a row with friends and family. Everything, I wish I could list everything down. It has been a busy, busy months filled with joy and laughter.

I had a breakdown some time in between where I felt deeply sad and depressed. I just stayed alone by myself and I just wanna sleep. I had irregular hours of sleeping and eating time, and I just want disappear and how much I wished I could just go away and leave everything behind.

RefieRedz.com shares a lot of stories from day one where I am trying to get over something and just move on. I am moving slowly and I think I have done my best. It took me years to understand myself and finding out what I want in life and I am still searching for what is missing. I couldn't help but wonder, when you have everything, why yet I still feel I have nothing? A wonderful family and friends, great job and lifestyle, living comfortably in the city with my own car to drive around. What else do I want?

I am still figuring it out the meaning of fabulous. Is that what I am after when this is how I feel? Alaina and Loren got married in Puerto Rico and now they are happily living in Busan, South Korea teaching English. I was invited for the wedding and I planned to go but I did not manage to go since I didn't have enough leaves and work is just abundance and how much I wished if love, happiness, health and wealth are abundance just like my work. My point is, I see them happily married living together in a cozy apartment, so simple and yet fulfilling and meaningful.

It's not easy for me to back out since I have established all this in my life at a very young age. I grew too fast and I should have enjoyed my youth. I have no regrets though. A matter of fact, I have moved on well. I have moved on after a painful break up and it has made me stronger. I climbed on every inch all by myself. When my family left to Qatar, I had nobody to cheer me, I had no shoulder to cry and I cried on my own shoulder. The strength I have developed is impressive enough to take me further. I always believe things happen for a reason. And when one door closes, it opens a window. So jump! And I did.

I have traveled everywhere trying to find the missing pieces but I failed. I failed and I failed. I will keep looking until my heart is at peace. I have turned down RefieRedz.com for months and I finally begin to start over. Turning it down doesn't solve the puzzle. I will keep writing and share this with you so I will feel less alone.

Just to recap yet another ending of a year and welcoming the new year with open arms. Most importantly, where should I go first, MBFW in New York or London in February? I need to jump start my life with New York therapy with a little bit of London and some other places.

Thank you for your continuous support and making RefieRedz.com as alive as possible and energetic as I am when I have people around me!

Sexcited for the 2nd time!

Keep going!

Keep going. Being asleep for awhile! Now I'm widely awake!

I keep on wondering?

Well, I haven't been writing for quite sometime now. I've lost my words. I'm thoughtless. Wordless. I am simply too busy doing nothing. I miss New York so much.

In Langkawi with lots of love!

I love Langkawi. Arrived after rushing to the Airport just after work! I'm here again and this time for a meeting at Four Seasons for Ed Hardy. It's fabulous! Flew in with Malaysia Airlines, rented a Toyota Vios and staying at The Andaman. I brought a lot of work to finish and still not sleeping, I have to finish a lot of reports before the meeting. Thanks to the sound of the beach, thanks to the Nespresso! I love the machine, just like in the US. What else? I love, I love, I love!!! Only for one night and then after the meeting I have to go back right away. A lot to catch up with work. I'm lovin' it! I feel like I have gone from sane to being insane.. I wonder why I'm behaving in such a way. Is this ever normal? Good Lord... I need to chill! Guess I haven't found what I am looking for?

XOXO

Sent via BlackBerry from Maxis

I remember...

I couldn't stop to wonder, I wonder why? I wonder if that's normal to wonder? One week has passed and I am back at my pad for another week to go. I had a great weekend with family and friends and this is my second week being carless. And guess what? I am getting a new car! My own car. Should be getting it some time this week. It's amazing that I'm owning a car? I gave my mom's car back for my brother to drive and within 2 weeks from last week, I will drive my own car very soon! It's the New Midnight Blue Perodua Viva Elite EZi. Nice and small just like Refie Redz. It's perfect! Anyway, there you go. When suddenly I need something, it happens so fast.

Last week, I was watching Sex and the City again. Feels like I was only watching it yesterday. It was late night, one nice, cold and breezy night, I ordered in McDonald's Chicken Mc Nuggets and some fries with my favorite McFlurry Oreo. I was eating while watching my timeless favorite Sex and the City. You know how much I miss them. It will stay alive forever. And it will make me feel alive whenever I'm watching it again. Like Hermes Birkin bag. It's so classic yet timeless, you will feel alive whenever you wear it.

Talking about Birkin, I remember walking around Bryant Park after a show during New York Fashion Week. There was this one tall guy with an over-sized designer sunglasses, in black skinny pants and cardigan, clutching a huge orange Hermes Birkin Bag, strutting and passing me by with an attitude and obviously he has to be gay. I never thought a guy could pulled off wearing Birkin like that? Impressive. Well of course I pretended that I didn't notice at all before he gets too excited about that 10,000 dollar bag. Birkin is now officially for all gender. Says who? Says me..

Halloween is coming soon! I have one Halloween Party to attend this 31st. Guess who am I going to be? CHER! It' going to be scary and hilarious! We all can't wait to get dressed up in costumes! Other than that, some other events to attend, cocktail, and dinner and shows, so I have to be prepared. I have to prepare for Langkawi too for work if time permits. Squeezing everything together if I have to or else nothing is happening.

Lately, I had a lot of thoughts about so many things. I suddenly remember about everything especially being alone. I am still alone at times and I have no problem about it but to come and think about it, I was alone in almost everywhere. I might have met great family and friends but I could recall the times when I had to be alone. Am I missing something in my life? I wanna know and feel what love is if that's it?

And I'm so used to getting alone, doing things for myself I wonder what it's like to have someone to care for you for a change? I can feel something is missing but I don't know what? I have traveled so far and yet it has never taken me far enough to get to what I am looking for? What am I looking for exactly? Is that what I have to do to look for what I want? I guess sometimes it's just part of life just to go away for a while and wonder the future that you can't foresee. But you always have your past to look back and reminisce. It has been a great one for me and it left me hungry for more great times to come. With whom and where and how, that's the big question to ask. I just have to wait and see.

When I stayed a hotel, I always have a nice view. The view has always been the one to remind me of so many things. And I enjoy this feeling very much. Sometimes I always think to myself, I have everything and yet I have nothing. What's in there left for me? One thing about me living my life, I am hoping to not regret on what should I have done and what I have done in my life. I don't want to miss a thing. And thank God I never regret what I have done from all the decisions I have made. For now, this is just the way it is. And if this is the way it is, that's just the way it is until I remember that it was once upon a time.

Coming Soon this Halloween!

I might not like Cher that much, I might not know Cher that well but I know what it's like to be CHER!